Authentic

What does it mean to be authentic?

I’ve been pondering this question since it was first posed this morning at the conference I’ll be attending the next couple of days. I love how Charli put it last night when she asked, “It’’s a conference to better yourself, right?”

All day our group of about 78 tried to better ourselves by grappling with a variety of questions. How have I been inauthentic? With whom? How has it impacted my life? How can I create new possibilities for myself by becoming authentic in that area?

We also talked about blind spots. What we don’t know that we don’t know.

The idea that I worked with was how I might me inauthentic in the ways I handle difficulties in my life, specifically now the loss of Chandler. I said with my mouth, “I have pretended to have my crap together, but actually I am scared and devastated and miss my son. And I’m afraid I will come to the end of my life and not have fulfilled my purpose….left the legacy I want to leave.”

But I wonder if in the moment I was being inauthentic about being inauthentic. As far as I know myself, I believe I put out there honestly when I’m scared, when I’m not OK, when I’m angry, when I don’t believe the best. My default, however, is to look to my Higher Power, to God, for the assurance that ultimately all will be well. I believe in the power of hope of prayer of faith. This is not to say these things are magic and make everything better. But I have found through decades of experience and weathering some pretty rough storms that they change my outlook and therefore my actions.

So tomorrow I go back to the group and continue grappling with some big questions. I need to get in bed for a relatively good night’s sleep.

God, show me my blind spots. Let me see where I’ve been inauthentic about being authentic, and give me the courage to do something about it. I’m not alone. You are with me in this. Amen.