Everything in Order
This morning, a former Mission Hills student and friend dropped by with a coffee boba for me — WHAT!!?? It was one of the best bobi (bobas just doesn’t look right) I’ve ever had. What a great way to start my day — surprise drinkable bliss within five minutes of arriving at work and a hug from Hannah, the bearer of this newfound flavor delight.
But I saw tears in Hannah’s eyes, and she asked, “Have you heard yet?”
The husband of one of our friends and former Mission Hills teachers had passed away early this morning. Immediately, it felt real. It’s not a foreign concept for me any more. This sudden ripping away of your normal. The ground opening up and swallowing your life. Or at least the part that really means something to you. My most authentic response is, “That just sucks.”
After Hannah and her mom left my office, I sat there alone for a minute. I felt sad for my friend who is now a widow. I felt especially sad for their three daughters who all celebrate graduations this month…now without their dad.
I felt selfish when the sadness turned inward and triggered my own pain. It’s like the movie that was playing scenes of what was happening for my friend right now suddenly changed reels and began showing a trailer of a movie called Losing Chandler. I started to cry. By that time, another friend at work had come in to ask me something, and I told her this was bringing back everything. She hugged me and prayed for me. Thank you, God, for my Mission Hills family, for my safe place.
I was glad that I had a counseling appointment and a float session scheduled for this afternoon. I’m doing everything that I think will be helpful for me to take care of myself. It’s taken me a long time to learn that it is not selfish to love yourself. Why would we be called to love everyone else, but not ourselves? I am responsible for myself. I don’t need to wait for someone else to say, “Maybe you should rest…or exercise…or nourish your body with good food…or go to counseling…or…….”
Aaaaaahhhh, my float session. Just like last time, I fell asleep. It’s so weird that you can sleep while floating and not drown. I’m becoming a pro. Didn’t even need the spray bottle of water because I know all the tricks for not getting salt water in my eyes now. I left feeling calm, refreshed and rested. It’s like some kind of brain rewiring that makes all the static go away.
The best part of the day — I picked up Charli from the airport after her trip to Georgia to visit a friend. Between my float and the airport pick-up, I dropped by Grocery Outlet and picked up some groceries and healthy snacks I knew Charli would be excited to try. I did have a momentary lapse where I looked at the milk and thought, “I should get a jug for Chandler.”
I love Grocery Outlet. I spent $125, saved $119. Booyah!
We got home from the airport, and I escorted Charli upstairs to her room. She was shocked! My friend Penny had come on Saturday to help me organize Charli’s room before she got home from her trip. In less than three hours, Penny did the miraculous. The entire floor in Charli’s room was visible, clean clothes were all neatly put away, and everything was organized. Then, and this is how crazy Penny is, she asked me to please let her fold the rest of Charli’s clothes after I had washed the FIVE laundry hampers we had collected. I could have resisted, but who am I to rob my friend of a blessing, right?
I wish sometimes life could be like Charli’s room. Everything in order. Everything making sense. Everything neat and tidy. That’s not how it is. Not today. Not most days. Just like Charli will begin to live in her room again and it will no longer be the picture-perfect Marie Kondo-ized space that I’ve been in awe of since Saturday, so it is with life. It is messy and painful and confusing and joyous and celebratory, and most often, it all gets mixed up together. Sometimes all in one day.
A day of boba, bad news, welcome home hugs, and perfectly folded t-shirts.
