Trust

Today as I was leaving a HotWorx cycle session with my friend Teri, a girl who was coming into HotWorx stopped to hug me. I recognized her. She knew Chandler from Board & Brew. There were tears in her eyes, as she said, “I’m sorry.” I replied, “No, I get it.” She said, “Chandler was such a bright boy.”

He was. His smile could light up a room. He was enthusiastic, energetic, attentive to people. If you met him, it was hard to forget him.

What touched my heart so deeply is that she told me she had stopped at Chandler’s bike memorial and cleaned up some of the dead flowers and tidied it up after the rains. She knew I pass by there every day, and she wanted it to look nice.

I’m doing a 15-day challenge at SweatStar, so I went straight over there from HotWorx. At the beginning of each session, I’ve begun to set my intention — just a word to capture what I want to bring into my practice and carry with me after the session. So far it’s been surrender and peace. Tonight I thought my word would be courage. I need courage right now. I’m not going to lie. I am terrified of Mother’s Day coming up.

But as we began to flow through the poses, courage didn’t seem to fit. My mind went back to a conversation earlier today with a friend at work. She’d said that with trust comes peace. Flowing through warrior two, it hit me that courage comes from trust. That became my word.

Trust.

Trust in the Lord with all of your heart (Proverbs 3:5).

What am I trusting for? I’m not trusting that nothing bad will ever happen to our family again because we’ve met our quota. I’m not trusting that every circumstance will turn out to my liking. I’m not trusting that I won’t continue to feel the worst pain I could ever imagine.

What I am trusting is that there is a God who is loving, merciful, gracious, and powerful who will be WITH me through all of this. Who just keeps showing up.

This is my mantra. Every day.

Trust.