I Made It!
It’s the day after. The day after the day I dreaded for so long. But I made it. I darn sure didn’t make it alone. I made it because God showed up for me. I made it because he brought people into my life to show up for me. And I made it because I showed up for myself.
What do I even mean by made it? It’s not like I literally survived Mother’s Day like someone survives a car crash or a deadly disease. I guess by “made it,” I mean that the pain did not overtake me to the point of paralysis. At least not for most of the day. It did not rob me of the ability to enjoy the other gifts yesterday had to offer. I say “other” gifts, because pain itself is a gift, though admittedly uninvited and unwelcome most of the time.
The profound pain of yesterday was intermingled with so many moments of the deepest, purest joy. I gave myself permission to feel the pain while also allowing myself to get lost in the sound of my kids’ laughter, in the beauty of the ocean, in the creamy deliciousness of the best gelato ever!
This reminds me of a stupid (sorry, this is my grief Nazi coming out) online article I saw called “Scriptures to Overcome Grief.” You don’t overcome grief. It overcomes you, as it should. It’s not something to conquer. It’s not the enemy. Grief means someone you love isn’t here any more and you miss them with every cell, pore, and fiber of your being. Why would you want to overcome that?
Oh, I get why you would want to stop feeling so much pain. I don’t like the ache in my heart and my gut. But I don’t think I need to beat it into submission, to gain victory over it. Grief is a natural, healthy process. It will look different a year from now and a year from then and in five years.
For today, I will feel what I feel. I will pray. I will accept all hugs and words of encouragement. I will be kind to myself. I will drink so much kombucha and avail myself of chocolate. And as much as I am able, I will be available to others who are traveling this road of grief.
By the grace of God, I will make it. We will make it.
