Change
What’s up with this picture? Chandler’s wearing a shirt…and look who’s not!
Man, how I miss those times! The simple joys of snack after a baseball game, siblings all in tow, baths all around, and early bedtimes complete with stories, prayers, kisses and hugs.
I think of the line from the Fleetwood Mac song…. “Well, I’ve been afraid of changin’ cuz I’ve built my life around you.”
This time last year, I was facing some big life changes. Two of them, I anticipated. The third, not at all.
A year ago today, Charli got her driver license. Since September 10, 1987, I had served as the privileged chauffeur for four Espinoza kids and their friends and team members. That ended on November 19, 2018.
Yes, it was sometimes tiring, dropping off at an event half an hour or more from home and finding a Starbucks to hang out at for the next few hours until pickup time. Yes, sometimes my car smelled like a balled up athletic sock that had been thrown into a hamper damp and left for a month. But I wouldn’t trade a minute of it for anything on earth. I cherished being in their lives and in their friends’ lives. That time in the car was sacred — a time for singing, talking, laughing, or just being in close proximity to my favorite people.
I didn’t really have the opportunity to settle into that new reality last year…to grieve that season of my life being over. Why not just throw it into the mix this year, right?
Also, this time last year, I was planning to end my time as Admissions Director at Mission Hills Christian School in order to be an SLPA (speech-language pathology assistant) at a wonderful therapy center called Beach Kids. My last day at Mission Hills was to be December 31. It was such a difficult decision. I loved my job, my team, and my families at Mission Hills. But it made sense to make the move since I had studied for over two years to earn a 2nd bachelors degree and then a license to work in speech therapy.
I had asked Chip if he would be available to take me to lunch on December 21, the day they would do their “farewell” for me in chapel before Christmas break. I knew it would be an emotional day.
I actually attended that chapel on December 21. It was an emotional day for an entirely different reason. A different change.
Change is the one constant. Some changes are a result of our own choosing. Some happen despite our best efforts to prevent them. Some we recognize as good and necessary, but we kick and scream the whole time because it’s just not easy.
When the change involves your own flesh and blood being ripped out of your life, it takes on its own environment. The typical guidelines for negotiating change don’t apply. The light and air is sucked out of the room, and you frantically grope in the dark for a cracked window or a fissure in the wall where fresh air seeps in. You need breath in order to get your bearings.
I like the change where you get your nasty carpet ripped out and replaced with new wood floors. I like the change where you swap your old phone for an upgrade for just a “minimal” fee. I like the change where you show up to your hotel and they don’t have your room ready so they put you in a suite instead. I like the change where the 7 am soccer game gets rained out and you get to sleep in.
Not all change is like that.
Whatever change awaits me, anticipated or not, I will not face it alone.
I am with you always [remaining with you perpetually—regardless of circumstance, and on every occasion], even to the end of the age. Matthew 28:20
Today’s Chandler-ness:
3/31/98 - Why is dogs not invited to my birthday party?
