It's Happening!
When I started writing on December 18, 2018, my motivation was simply to keep people updated on Chandler’s condition. I quickly began to realize this was more than an update. It was my way to process each day’s emotions, thoughts and events. And I began to hear from others that somehow my processing out loud was helping them. At some point after Chandler...I still hesitate before typing the word...after Chandler died, I determined that I would write every day for the first year.
I deeply desired to honor Chandler, an aspiring writer himself, and to make him known to those who hadn’t had the privilege of meeting him. I needed a vessel to help me navigate the tumultuous waters of grief. And I needed to keep hearing from others that I was not alone, that I was surrounded by prayer, and that my words were finding their way to people who needed to hear them, my fellow travelers on this journey of grief.
I look back on those 365-plus days and ask myself, “How on earth did I do that?!” I can’t imagine writing every day now. I don’t do anything every day except brush my teeth and go to the bathroom. Chandler inspired me. When I was too physically exhausted at the end of the day to keep my eyes open, when my emotions were too raw to even pretend to attach words to them, when my fingers hovered over the keyboard waiting, hoping for a coherent message to flow through them and land on the page....every day, every day, every day, there was Chandler.
I’m not sure when it happened, but somewhere along the way, I realized that my commitment to writing every day had become a profound desire to someday publish the year’s blogs – a book inspired by and written for and with Chandler. A book to serve as a trusted companion for others going through their own seasons of loss and grief. A few weeks ago, I wrote in my journal – “God, if just one of my deepest desires could come to pass this year, please let it be that the blogs get published.” Four days later, it happened.
It is with tremendous gratitude, and a great big smile on my face, that I get to announce...my year of blogs is going to be published as First, Brush Your Teeth – Grief and Hope in Real Time!
I have a lot of work to do before turning in my final manuscript in January. The work itself doesn’t bother me. But here’s what snuck up on me this week ....in the next two and a half months, I will have to re-live it all. Every blog, every picture, carefully re-read and worked through to prepare for final submission.
I’m asking for your prayers through this process. I will dive in tomorrow.
God, you see me. You know the deep desires of my heart. And this...this is just...amazing. I am profoundly grateful. And I’m afraid. Keep my heart in peace, be my strength, as I dive into this process. So many difficult emotions lie waiting in those blogs, so many painful memories, and yet also joy and hope and life. You are with me. I can do this. Amen.
