Almost

After a smooth day of travel, we arrived home this evening to lots of Christmas cards and a few packages to open. Thanks to a friend on Christmas break from college that popped in to take care of Maddie and D’Marcus, we came home to happy doggies. Also thanks to her, we did not come home to house full of dog pee and a back yard covered in dog poop — yippee! Yes, our dogs are house-trained, but D’Marcus is a wienie dog. We’ve had three of those during our marriage, and all of them retained their prerogative to hike a leg in the house if the mood struck, despite their clear knowledge that outdoors was the appropriate location for such activity.

We brought home New Mexican red chile tamales, some from Aunt Val and some from a tamale shop in Albuquerque we visited just before turning in our rental car. Good tamales are hard to come by. But we found ‘em.

Tonight I sit by the fire, suitcase unpacked, savoring the quiet, marinating in the memories of these past five days in Santa Fe with our family. It is a strange place to be. One foot so securely planted in the ground of gratitude. And the other suspended in an unknown, painful space with no firm or familiar terrain on which to gain a sense of equilibrium or balance.

These past days could not have been any better aside from having Chandler with us. I don’t know when or if the time will come…and it will not come quickly if it does at all….that I will be able to say without reservation or disclaimer, “It was perfect.” Even if the words come, I cannot imagine that my heart will not whisper, “Almost.”

Today’s Chandler-ness:
9/29/97 - The other day you said, while pulling on your johnson and surveying it, “Why’d they put it there?” You also, in the same day, informed me that you’d peed in the trash can. When I said, “You better never do that,” you quickly ran to the restroom and emerged saying, “I poured it in the toilet, Mom.” Today at church I discovered you peeing on the tire of the van as Sharon, the music leader, passed by.