The List

Charli and I went Christmas shopping today. She is so good at picking gifts, especially for her brothers. Today we were shopping for one less brother. I hate that Chandler isn’t on the list. He’s supposed to be on the list until I die, not until he does.

And yet, today was a good day. Charli and I enjoyed a peanut caramel apple (a gift from a friend at work), shopped, and are about to relax by the fire and watch a movie.

I welcome the hours and days, especially during this season, when it seems the cloud lifts and my face basks in pure sunlight. When my heart beats its normal pace and my thoughts land on simple matters like which Christmas shirt to wear and whether to sip on a glass of pinot noir or a cup of tea.

Still, I know the other hours and days are not bad. They are not abnormal. They are part of this whole process, and they just mean I loved someone so deeply, it’s impossible for everything in my life not to be changed by his passing.

About the picture: No, it’s not the Espinoza version of Kids, I Shrunk Your Dad. It was my photographically challenged way of splicing Chip into the photo since he’s the one who took it.

Today’s Chandler-ness:
6/13/96 - Chandler, today at breakfast you were eating yogurt and you said, “Let’s pretend it’s sunscreen.” And you rubbed it all over your body.