Weather

Today Chip and I watched Charli play soccer in the rain. The weather alternated between cloudy and sunny, freezing and fairly warm, downpour to drizzle to dry.

It is a mirror of my internal atmosphere right now. If there were a barometer or a Doppler radar that could render an image of what’s going on, it would reveal the most erratic weather patterns. Partly cloudy with some sun followed by a category 4 storm giving way to part sun on the heels of thundershowers.

We are about to eat leftover turkey for dinner, light a fire in the fireplace, and watch a movie. Under normal circumstances, that would be pure joy. At this point in our grief process, it is welcome relaxation and cherished time together. But when the movie’s over, Chandler still isn’t here.

I feel this more acutely than I have in a while, though it’s always a new reality, a new normal, I’m constantly absorbing a little at a time. I can’t say I’ve settled into it. It doesn’t feel like a new normal. It feels abnormal and not right. And I don’t like it. Not one bit.

Mostly sunny doesn’t seem to be in the forecast in the immediate future. But you never know. Weather can surprise you.

Today’s Chandler-ness:
5/22/98 – The other day you had circles under your eyes from lack of sleep, and I told you it was bedtime. The next day, you said, “Jesus can do anything he wants, and he’s so powerful. But when he gets circles under his eyes, he has to go to bed.”