I Blame the Refrigerator
I had caffeine today. I told Charli when she got home from school. She said, “I would have guessed if you hadn’t told me.”
I blame the refrigerator.
The day started with a slower-than-molasses process of getting ready for work. Boot on to walk to the bathroom and brush my teeth, boot off to take a sponge bath (“Do NOT get your bandage wet,” warns the doctor), boot on to walk to the closet for clothes, boot off to put on pants, boot on to do my hair and makeup. Finally, I grabbed a microwavable frozen beans-rice-cheese burrito from the garage freezer (day four with no refrigerator) to warm up for breakfast at work.
I parked where I’m not supposed to park, but I think I have a pass this week. It was so good to see my peeps and feel the energy of our team.
I’m actually being very good and following doctor’s orders—“minimize walking…keep your foot propped up.” What I realized quickly after arriving at work is that it is physically impossible, unless I’m comfortable in a sustained “Twister” position, to work on my computer and have my foot propped up due to the configuration of my desk. After a few hours, my foot announced adamantly that it wanted to be properly elevated.
On the way home, I stopped at Nekter for a protein smoothie. Again, four days with no refrigerator means no fresh groceries and no way to keep leftovers for later. A smoothie would be perfect. I knew I shouldn’t have done it, but that cold-brew smoothie with 12 grams of protein was calling my name. In retrospect, I realize it was saying, “Hey, genius, why don’t you drink me and get all hyper and jittery and maybe even suffer some gut distress!”
It was so icy cold and good. Then it kicked in. Me stranded on the couch full of caffeine is an unfortunate thing.
It’s starting to wear off a bit now, for which I’m grateful. By the time Charli gets home from soccer, I may be normal. Or at least, back to my usual self.
A couple of times today, the words “after Chandler died” came out of my mouth. It feels like I’m saying something that’s not true. It seems like they are just words and that he will come home from a trip soon. I chose not to open the self-dialogue of convincing, embracing, accepting, dissecting, absorbing. I just let it be.
Hopefully tomorrow will bring a return phone call from the LG repair people saying they are going to come and resurrect our refrigerator. It is starting to reek and is serving no purpose whatsoever except storing a bunch of rapidly spoiling, gross food that will have to be thrown away.
Well, for tonight, at least I have a cold kombucha about to come out of the freezer.
