Bringing Sexy Back
Why does my life seem to be about managing ailments these days?
Ailment number one, yep, you guessed it. In the ongoing three-year-old saga— Plantar Fasciitis, My Forever Friend — I can report that yet another round of physical therapy and my faithful adherence to the home exercise regimen has resulted in zero improvement. However, it wasn’t all for naught. If they ever make picking up marbles with your toes an Olympic sport, I’ll grab the gold.
In a couple of weeks, I will begin a program called the Feldenkrais Method, recommended to me by a friend. It has some evidence behind it for improving chronic pain and does not involve meticulously tracking the phases of the moon or attaching leeches to my foot, so I’m trying it.
In the meantime, I’ve picked up a sexy little item called the Strassburg Plantar Fasciitis Night Sock. In a nutshell, this snow-white stretchy invention of modern science connects your big toe to the top of your shin via a long piece of Velcro through a metal loop. It looks like a rudimentary torture device.
The theory behind the Strassburg Sock (which I could have rigged up myself with a tube sock and duct tape) is that pulling the big toe toward the calf throughout an entire night’s sound sleep – repeatedly over many nights -- will result in a stretched fascia ligament. And, theoretically, a properly stretched fascia ligament is a happy fascia ligament. Charli saw it and was jealous. She wants to wear it to school. There would be too many haters. Chip’s comment: “Sexy.”
I’ve worn it for two nights now. So far, no benefits to speak of, and there is a slight chance gangrene may set in soon due to restriction of the blood supply from my knee downward.
I also ordered Protalus plantar fasciitis inserts. They are probably the only brand I hadn’t tried. My first impression upon opening the box was that they smelled strongly of industrial rubber. No matter...if they work, I’ll happily smell like the Michelin man. I’ve worn them a couple of days. No magic as of yet. Tomorrow at Pickleball I’ll see what they’re really made of.
On a high note, I want to give a big shout out to my Sollbeam fuzzy orthopedic slippers. Although they haven’t proven to be a cure so far, they have won my heart. After being in regular shoes all day, I fantasize about the minute I can take them off and slip into my arch supported, heel cushioned, Velcro-fastened soft and cozy slippers. Will the sexiness never end?
Ailment number two, reflux. Still taking Nexium and now added Carafate to the mix to try to cool the burn. It may be akin to eating aluminum, but if aluminum cures reflux, sign me up for more. The suckiest part is trying to manage trigger foods and finding that when you deprive yourself of chocolate or tomato-based sauces, for example, your esophagus still burns. So now I’m bent on eating all the trigger foods. All at once.
Ailment number three, bilateral rotator cuff injury. I’m not sure if it was the overhead presses in body pump or the endless chaturangas (also known as tricep push-ups) in yoga, but both shoulders are ready to break up with me.
Everything I’ve ever done including yoga, boot camp, running, and weightlifting have resulted in some kind of minor to moderate injury. Hmmmmm….maybe the common denominator is me. Charli tells me it’s all about correct form, and I’m inclined to believe her. She’s been training really hard with Athlete’s Choice for two years with no training-related injuries, and she attributes it to their strict coaching on proper form. Upon advisement from Charli, backed up by my corroborating research (I can’t help myself), no more weighted upright rows, front or lateral raises, tricep dips, or shoulder presses. I will be focusing mostly on mobility exercises. The jury is still out on the chaturangas. Skip, modify, or straighten up my form? That’s a tough one. It’s not in my DNA to skip the chaturangas in yoga….and, yes, I know my suck-it-up-and-do-it attitude defeats the point and purpose of yoga. I’m working on it.
So that’s the latest. Oh, and no social media since Ash Wednesday. I’ve been reading more and have almost completed a 13-hour audio-book. I miss hearing from friends, old and new, on Instagram and Facebook, but I’m feeling a bit more present with the people who are right in front of me.
